Doing what I can to prepare for IVF

I'm back on the "eating really good" bandwagon. I'm so on again/off again about it. My hubby and I eat good most the time, but when we're splurging, we're definitely splurging. So this week I started Weight Watchers. So far, so good. I think it's a really balanced way of eating. I've been doing bouts of South Beach Diet so Weight Watchers feels so liberal. Getting more consistent with exercise is another story. For me, it couldn't be more convenient. We have a really nice home gym in the basement. So, why the heck do I avoid it like the flu? Hmmm. It's an ongoing battle. I'll keep ya updated.

Ok, I got it, I got it...

My digital pregnancy test said "NOT PREGNANT". Ok jerk, I knew I wasn't but my RE insisted I take it to be "sure". Surprisingly, I'm not upset. Not mad. I'm ok with it. Come on, AF, let's get going so I can order drugs and get re-focused on my first round of IVF. I think I need to stop reading about egg retrieval b/c it's freaking me out. I always barf my brains out when I get general anesthesia, so that's all I can think about. Hmmm. I need to get a life.

Just when I start to feel normal again...

...I feel like I'm going crazy. Here's the story: the Thursday before Thanksgiving I was told that I had almost 40 mature eggs (and this was on an IUI cycle, NOT in vitro). So we decided to cancel the cycle and I started BCPs that day. We were told not to touch each other for 2 weeks. No biggie, right? Well, on Thanksgiving one thing let to another and we broke the rules. So over the weekend, I had a few twingey moments which I assumed had to do with my follies shrinking back down. On Tuesday, we were at the mall and decided to get dinner. We ordered orange chicken and sat down to eat. Right as we began eating, I became grossed out and could smell a huge vinegar smell. My hubby said "are you pregnant"? I didn't think much of it.

On Thursday that same week, I was out showing a house to a client of mine and she said "Can I ask you something a little weird?" I said "of course." and She said "are you pregnant"? I was totally floored and this client proceeded to tell me she's always been really intuitive and has strong feelings when people around her are pregnant.

I left our showing very flustered and not sure what to do. Right now, I'm on BCPs and Ambien. Not to mention, I haven't been restricting alcohol or caffeine. So, after talking to a girlfriend, I called my RE in Omaha. She said it was a very small chance that I was pregnant and to continue on my current meds and take a pregnancy test this weekend. If it's positive, call them.

So now my mind is bouncing in between "could I be pregnant...is this a miracle?" and "you are so hormonal b/c of all the drugs you've been given...and there is no way you're pregnant!" Today is Sunday and I didn't make it a priority to get a pregnancy test so I guess I might go get one and take it Monday.

Ahhh, my crazy life. All I can do is hang on and see what happens....

I Love My Dogs...

...but my hubby and I are ready for some human babies!! Here is are some details to catch you up:
Last January we started clomid. We did 2 rounds but I never grew any follies. I took off a couple months to undergo the fabulous HSG (catch my sarcism?) and we were on to injectables. We did 3 cycles of injectables/IUIs with no success. We are now at the point that we are going to start IVF in January or early February. I'm honestly TERRIFIED of IVF but I know that the success rates are much higher. Here is a prayer I came accross this morning and I need to engrave it in my brain:

"Lord, help me to know that You are enough. Take my eyes off of myself. Take my eyes off of the child I desire. Help me to delight myself in You. Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will. I don't want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child. I don't want wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and me anymore.

Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You. Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands. Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.

Lord, You know that I still desire a baby - someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You. But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You. Let me reach out to those around me. Let me witness and minister to the children You place in my path.

Lord, if adoption is the path You would have us take, prepare our hearts, and prepare the child who will share our home. If adoption is not Your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of Your plan. Help me to stay submitted to my husband's will, and to Your will. If we are headed in the wrong direction, change our hearts.

Thank You for lifting my burden. Help me to keep You first! Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!"