6.08.2009

Looking back...

I'm so thankful to Production, Not Reproduction for organizing us open adoption bloggy mommies to talk about our lives in this world of OA. She started a round table and here's the assignment:

As with so many things in life, thinking about open adoption without having experienced it and actually living it out are two very different things. What do you know now that you wish you knew then? Has the reality of open adoption as it's looked in your life matched your expectations? What one thing about open adoption would you tell your past self, if you could?

If I could sit down and have coffee with my past self I would tell myself that there is no way to know what to expect, so quite contemplating. ;) How's that for a vague answer?! Seriously, though, things I worried about are now non-issues. 

I wondered if I would feel like I'm competing with another mom and I never do. I'm Declan's mama...I wipe his butt, kiss his neck, make eyes with him for a guaranteed smile, cut his stubborn big toe nail just right, know his exact clothing sizes and brands that fit his string bean body, etc etc.  When we're with his birth mom it's great. She gushes over him and loves to hear every cheesy story and milestone. Sometimes I'm caught off guard when I see her screen saver is his picture or hear that she's talking to her girlfriends about his latest teething episode. But, regardless...I'm mom and I don't feel threatened...at all. Hopefully his b-mom is always in Decs life to shower love on our sweet little boy.

I also wondered if I could love Declan like he was biologically my own and I do- a million percent. It's absolutely impossible to explain the love I have for him. When he was only days old I had a friend ask if I felt like I was baby sitting and I didn't. I knew he was ours-chosen for us-perfect. As he's gotten older, our bond is so strong and my heart melts at his screeches when I walk in the room. (Yes, screeches...you'd have to know him). The love that I have for Declan has completely banished my desire to ever do infertility treatments again. Before adopting I mourned the idea of not having a little baby with my eyes and my husband's lips. We didn't take the idea of IVF off the table because the likelihood of a pregnancy through IVF with my condition, PCOS, is pretty good (we never tried but have been told this).  Now, I can honestly say if I'm never pregnant that's totally okay. In fact, on our adoption finalization video you can hear me tell my attorney "see you in 2 years." 

It's hard to know what OA will be like before it's experienced but I have a feeling I'll continue to learn and have "wish I would've known" moments, but isn't that parenthood in general?!

*you can read other roundtable responses by clicking on the blog link above...


6 comments:

BrandiH2007 said...

You're right, parenting, be it your biological child or not is full of "I wish I would have known.." moments.

Tracey said...

Love the new header....we have the same car for Samuel. I look back now and cringe at the $$$ and time I wasted on treatments. I wished I had jumped on adoption quicker.

Jess said...

Oh, what a good read! I love to hear about other people's OA's....I'd actually love to hear more about your relationship with Declan's birthfamily, though perhaps you're not sharing for a reason...privacy and all, since you're public.

We worried a lot of the typical worries. And the relationship we have with Ava's bio family is FABULOUS. I think all the time how blessed we are, but more and more I see that there are many families who have OA's that are blessed...and maybe people are just ignorant of how easy it is to be that way!!

As for something I wish I'd have known....Hmm, I'm not sure! I guess I'd have just wanted to know that there WOULD BE a happy end to this all. During the crap, the not knowing was the hardest for me. It's worth all the money, treatments, adoption scrutiny, etc now that we have the kids, of course, but at the time it felt like pain with no gain, if you know what I mean! :)

Heather said...

Thanks so much for participating! I'm glad that all of your worries turned out to be for naught. :)

(My daughter was a screecher, too.)

missy said...

Just wanted to pass on a little message. Donna (from high school group) saw your page and wanted me to let you know that you have the cutest little man-with your smile!!!!

Kate said...

i really needed to read that today! thank you!