9.11.2012

Hesitation.

 
For some reason I've hesitated to update our profile letter. We were active a year at the end of April (when we had our failed match) and we definitely have new things going on in our lives and Declan looks much different now. So why the hesitation? I've been wrestling with it. I like to make the excuse that it's expensive to print them all off (it is) and we are moving and will need to redo the "house" section (we will) but I think the truth is I sometimes feel we won't be picked. Ever. Now, I know we were picked---but really picked...like not just "a match" but a birth and a fulfilled to the end adoption plan.  In the back of my mind I think that expectant mothers (and fathers) want to give the ultimate gift to that childless couple. We have a fabulous son. So, why pick us?! 

The excuses ended tonight. The unsettled feeling, the insecurity and the doubts ended tonight. I tore apart our old letter and filled it with all the new neat things we have going on in our life (Decs is in preschool! We are building a house! I'm a runner now! etc....) I splashed the picture pages with our fun adventures and pics of our loving extended family. Declan is indeed 4, not almost 2 like the last set of pics. ;) 

I have a new little flicker of excitement that someday an expectant parent will find our little family of 3 worthy of their child. Because you know when that day happens this brutal wait will all make sense.

5 comments:

happymomof2 said...

Yes I know adoption counselors/ agencies say birth moms/ parents like to choose childless couples etc but there are also birth moms/ parents out there that want the child to have siblings to grow up with especially siblings who are adopted as well. That was the case with our second kiddo, the birth mom wanted him to have a sibling to grow up with just like she did. Thinking about you and hoping the new changes will bring exciting changes to your family:)

birthmothertalks said...

It might have to take a birthmother who is big on family and wants to make sure her child would grow up with a brother or sister. What better way to do it than choose a couple that already has one child. In the right time I am sure you will get picked but honestly I don't think birthmothers want to give their child to a coupless child as a gift. It's the gift of two parents that they want to give their child.

Mandy Campbell said...

Wishing you so much luck in your journey!! I know just how you feel! I took ours down last month and can't really decide if we want to pursue it again or not. It's so hard and it takes someone that has been through it to understand!

Bri said...

Raegan's birth family chose us BECAUSE they wanted her to for sure have at least one sibling. Our agency's statistic last year was that 305 of their placements were with families with children already in the home.

HUGS, friend! I know it is hard to wait and I wish there were things I could say to make it easier. It WILL happen and, as you know, all will make sense when it finally does!

Katharine said...

Ashley, I am so touched at what you are doing! Such an amazing gift you are giving to a child! The beautiful gift of a loving caring family forever! I too long to adopt someday! You're showing me how hard it will be, but you are also showing me how beautiful it is! Decs is so loved it makes me wish just that much more to do it! I don't understand why no one has picked you yet(other then they must be crazy) but some day, Lord willing soon, you'll have another beautiful child! Best of wishes to you Mark, and Declan!