I had a friend...

*DISCLAIMER* If you are a family member or friend who has said any of the things to me that I'm addressing below, please know that I'm not mad at you or offended by your comments. This adoption process is very new and my emotions and beliefs will grow and change as we continue in the process of adopting.

With that said, here is the issue I feel like I have to address:

I can't count how many times I've heard "I have a friend that started the adoption process and got pregnant!". While this is all and good, I find myself wrestling with those "success stories". For me, ultimate success isn't getting pregnant. Success is being blessed with a child whether that is from my womb or grown in love in a birthmother's womb. Either way this child will be ours and will be loved unconditionally despite their DNA make up.

I'm certainly not angry at people that get pregnant during their adoption process. For us, even though we have fertility problems and wouldn't likely get pregnant naturally, we are choosing to stay on birth control while being approved, matched and waiting for our little miracle. There is A LOT that goes in to the approval process...for us and the agency and we want to respect the journey. And, above all, we are SO THRILLED to be building our family through adoption. It is something we discussed when we were only dating as clueless teenagers. Of course I always pictured getting pregnant with 1 or 2 biological children first but often times our plans aren't God's plans for our lives.

*stepping down off my soapbox*


Neenie/PawsNY said...

And love your attitude about the whole adoption issue. You have to look at it from a clueless perspective. These people have never experienced what you have. They don't KNOW what to say to you and think that their adoption/pregnancy related stories are of benefit to you when meanwhile it's like Shut the hell up!!!!
I am so thrilled for you and your husband- this is going to be an amazing and beautiful experience!
And by the way , you're 'paper pregnant' so ACT LIKE AN EXPECTING MOM!!! Because you are!!! YIPPIE!!!!!!!!

Christy said...

I just stumbled across your blog and I can't wait to read more. We don't live too far from you and adopted our little boy 2 years ago. It was an incredible experience and we are actually thinking about starting again for baby #2. I can't tell you how many times I heard heard a version of the line about getting pregnant after adoption! People just don't think, but they think they are being helpful. If you ever want to chat about your adoption, let me know!!

Emily said...

I can't say that the dumb comments stop even after you adopt, but your attitude & sense of humor will get you through much...as it appears it's gotten you this far! :) Can't wait to read more of your story!