Not Forgotten

What was I up to a year ago today? Answer: fertility hell. Long time readers, do you remember this post? I was a burnt out, trying-something-new-before-I-bail, somewhat excited pin cushion trying to get pregnant through injections. A year ago we were going to give it two more rounds of shots. Interestingly enough, I was ready to be done after only one round. I had one foot in the world of adoption and one foot in a reproduction endocrinologist office. It was a weird and exciting time in our lives.

When my last round of trying to get pregnant failed, I had one bad day. It was a Sunday. I cried at the thought of not seeing a baby toddle around with Mark's lips and my eyes. I cried at the idea of not feeling a baby kick inside my expanding belly. I cried at not being able to have my mom coach me through my labor. It was a dream that died.

That next day, I woke up with a renewed strength. I wanted to be a mother. How God brought that child to our lives was irrelevant. I wasted no time in contacting the agency and getting an application and the rest is history.

We have NEVER TURNED BACK. We were Declan's parents the minute his birthparents set his car seat down on our living room floor. We are bonded like any other family would be- our DNA or not. Our hearts swell when he smiles and laughs (we can make him laugh like no one else can). I melt inside when his eyes follow my every move and the sound of my voice. I love our secret language of words and phrases that make him grin. I love love LOVE watching Mark be his daddy. He's a natural and was from the beginning.

As we still pay off our fertility treatment bills, it's hard to forget that phase of our lives. I could not have even imagined in my wildest dreams that one year later from our last fertility treatment that I would have spent the entire day with my near 6 month old son. Mind blowing.

What I also haven't forgotten is all my friends that are still waiting for their babies. Adoption is SO HARD. The wait is excruciating. The cool thing is that it only takes 1 phone call to completely change a life. So, all my bloggy buddies waiting for their sweet babylove, hang in there.

February '08: Fertility appointment
February '09: Pediatrician appointment :)
I love my sweet muchkin. Go ahead...eat him up with a spoon.


Sara said...

A wonderful post and reminder of God's faithfulness. Love you friend!

Christy said...

Thanks for sharing your thought with us! I can so totally relate to that feeling of not caring anymore if we are linked by DNA or not. There are days I still wonder what our biological child would look like, be like, act like, but then I look at my sweet son and it doesn't matter anymore. He is the child God had planned for us and that is all that really matters. He is our child just as much as if I had given birth to him. Isn't it so cool?

Rebekah said...

Ashley, this post made me cry! I remember those days so well! You and I are so much alike. Although I had more than one bad day when I realized it was time to lay my dream of birthing to rest...I think it took me a good 60 days! :) But like you, when we made the decision to adopt (6 months after our last failed treatment) I have never looked back either. Although the path has been difficult, I am so thankful that God puts vision in our hearts for new plans. I LOVE this plan we're on...and even though I still have 5 full months to wait...I know that nothing can replace the perfection of God's will in our life. I am so excited!!!!

I have to say, I ALWAYS wanted a little girl first, but your little Declan is so cute he's changed my mind! I'm rooting for a boy, today! :)

Melba said...


I LOVE this post...you brought tears to my eyes! Your words are helping me to remember that it WILL happen in time, and that when it does it will be more than worth the wait...thank you for your encouragement, always!


Melba said...


I LOVE this post...you brought tears to my eyes! Your words are helping me to remember that it WILL happen in time, and that when it does it will be more than worth the wait...thank you for your encouragement, always!


EmilyLove said...

Wow. Way to make me bawl! What an incredible post, Ash. Thanks so much for sharing. It's pretty amazing thinking about where you were just 1 year ago and what a blessing you have in your life now! ...And, yes, I think I will just dive in a little to that guy with a spoon :) I LOVE his faux hawk!!!

happymomof2 said...

What a handsome little man you have- he is sooo cute:) I am happy for you all what an amazing blessing:)

KimboSue said...

Awesome, awesome, awesome.

Awesome that you haven't forgotten where you came from.
Awesome that your adoption was so successful and smooth.
Awesome that you now have the cutest baby on earth.

Reggie Boppy said...

Ashley...that means SO much that you haven't forgotten your journey. Thanks for pulling for us still waiting mommies :)

Oh, and hurry up and pass me the damn spoon already. I need me some Declan!

becklaw said...

i love this post, and love you and miss you!

Becky said...

Precious post! So happy for you! It is so amazing, isn't it?!!!
He's adorable!!