Happy Place

Easily, all 3 of my boys are most happy when they are outside. They ride their bikes down the street and slow down seconds before a crash seems probable. They run through sprinklers when it's borderline chilly. They create secret existences with neighbor friends and take turn after turn on our two {beat up} motorized toys. "The bears are chasing us...change to speed zappo."

Daddy takes them on Burley rides even though his legs burn carrying 100+ lbs up and down hills in our area. 

It's.just.chaotic.bliss.

After a long weekend of constant outdoor play, the boys ditched their toys proclaiming they had "nothing to do" and took off for the neighbor's house to play basketball. Not too long after, it became another sprinkler day...

After a year+ of begging, my husband finally gave in. A boy's dream right there in the backyard. Love you, babe!

I love to watch Decs and J together. They will go off on a little adventure and the gator gets stuck but they just figure out a way to get it free. Little problem solvers. Such good buddies.

For so many years Declan prayed for a brother. God is so good. These two are best friends (and sometimes enemies). True brotherhood. 

Moving up...to kindergarten...

Declan is sooo excited for kindergarten. We attended Kindergarten Round Up at his school recently. Silly boy...always making me smile:

Decs will only be attending Humann for one year because they are building a new elementary school a block away. Basically, we'll be staring at it from our deck. This mama is SUPER thrilled about it. I've always wanted to walk my kids to school and it will be our reality soon enough. 

My Little Graduate

We are so incredibly proud of Declan. This past year he has grown in every area....listening, academically and socially. We are confident he is ready for kindergarten. Now, are we on the other hand?! #i'llmissmybaby

Watching Decs walk across that stage made me cry! He looks so grown up all of a sudden...

 

 Preschool and Academy flew by in blink. I'm sure we'll be planning his high school graduation party before we know it. Such a sweet boy. We are so very lucky. 

Zoo Days

The local children's zoo has always been a big part of our lives since Declan was little. We didn't hesitate to get a membership this year as well even though jumping from 1 to 3 kids to run around after is no small task. After two hours, I want to collapse. Ha! But the boys love it so it will likely be part of our weekly routine as long as it's not 100 degrees. 

One week the boy's grandma (bio dad's stepmom) joined us. It's always fun to have Grandma J over as she is so playful with the boys and was the same at the zoo. Climb the spider web? No prob! ;)

Oh the train. Always a fave. We do it first and everyone loves it.

Leo the paper eating lion is an icon at the zoo. I remember feeding him when I was a little girl. Declan was teaching J bad habits in this pic. ;)

Chaos and Laughter

Life marches on and the chaos is feeling more normal. Legally, the waves are getting smaller and we see the shore of permanency way, way in the distance. Regardless how difficult this journey has been (and will be), the blessings are impossible to ignore.

I told Mark the other day that I've never heard Declan laugh more than he laughs now. He and J are best friends and define brotherhood: fight hard, play hard, love hard. 

…and Exhale...

 

It's a very weird position foster parenting puts you in--for so many reasons. I find myself wanting to blurt out all the crazy ass things we are going through right now but I just can't. Instead I am here documenting our journey in tidbits. Here is the general summary: we are fighting for the boys legally now. I say "now" because we took the boys as their permanency placement. Parents hadn't been on the grid for over 9 months (anything 6 months+ is considered abandonment). So it was a pretty low risk situation as far as having to fear losing them once they came.

Then, enter small town law. Mistakes have happened and the entire case almost got thrown out. Like "come drop your babies off at the police station" over. After 3 anxiety packed weeks and major mama bear advocating (which, for the record, does nothing really) we found out this last week that the case will not be thrown out but there will be aspects that feel like starting all over. These aspects will drag our boy's little damaged hearts through the mud and we will have to pick up the pieces over and over until they are finally ours. When we are done adopting them, if I hear "reasonable efforts" again, I will throat punch someone.

Regardless, this crazy life is indeed our reality. A smidge of turbulence...ahem...okay maybe earth shaking turbulence but we are all in so buckle up. During this time a song has resonated with me so deeply that I can't listen to it without crying. I listen to it/pray through it before our almost weekly court dates. 

Foster parenting is not for the faint of heart. Without God, I don't know if my feet could every wander this far in to the dark, hard, gritty battle we are in. Through it I want my faith to be made stronger. I know it is stronger and have seen our impact on others around us. People see us doing some amazing thing but we just see it as loving on our sons. Fighting for them....for their hearts to know security. For their little heads to be filled with awesome memories....for them to feel unconditional love. God has lead us here and He will lead us through the ups and downs.

Please listen to this song....it's our ANTHEM....

You call me out upon the waters,
The Great unknown where feet may fail.
And there I find you in the mystery;
In oceans deep my faith will stand.

So I will call upon your name
And keep my eyes above the waves.
When oceans rise my soul
Will rest in your embrace,
For I am yours and you are mine.

Your Grace abounds in the deepest waters,
Your Sovereign hand will be my guide.
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me;
You've never failed
And you won't stop now.

So I will call upon your name
And keep my eyes above the waves.
When oceans rise my soul
Will rest in your embrace,
For I am yours and you are mine.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders.
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever you would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my savior.

I will call upon your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in your embrace
I am yours and you are mine.

Hi-ya!

Declan has been loving Tae Kwon Do! He tested recently for his yellow belt and did awesome! So proud of him...