I feel like my heart has been stirring these last couple of weeks. We haven't had any action at our current agency. We are a stones throw away from 1 year of our profile being active. Our conversations about our next step are all over the place. We've been doing heavy research on international adoption. Is God showing us this door is to close and that door is to open? Honestly, we are super excited to adopt internationally but the waits are SO long. Some of the programs we are interested in aren't even taking new families right now.
We've spoken to some different domestic agencies and I can not believe the fees. Seriously...$20,000-$30,000+ to adopt?! Such a hard pill to swallow. Even more difficult is the fact that we would have to start over completely with our home study (a process that took a year). Yikes.
Right now, we do nothing. We wait. God has a perfect plan. I truly believe that deep in my soul. I believe satan loves taking hold of my heart by making me wonder why we can't get pregnant when everyone else around me is? Why do we have to wait to be matched and hope the match is successful? Why this difficult journey for us?! Life is SO not fair.
Then, after I throw my huge pity party, I remember Declan was WORTH THE WAIT. He was God's perfect plan for our life. The journey to him joining our family was uber turbulent but sometimes hard to remember. So when life feels unfair, I am humbled to know someone else is in charge here. I need to remember to move out of His way and let Him lead.