I've spent many frustrating afternoons sitting on the hard bench at the courthouse rooting and praying and hoping my boys would finally get a voice. When we first took the boys as their permanency placement we were so grateful to not have to do the legal runaround. We soon learned there was a legal snafu and our dreams of adopting smoothly after 6 months in our home turned to tip toeing our way to 15 of 22 months. The countdown finally ended and the permanency hearing at 15th months was scheduled....then delayed. Scheduled again...then delayed. Each time my optimistic spirit was crushed and I wondered who would stand up for these children?

Weary and cynical I sat again on that bench last week. The judge finally changed the case goal to adoption. Praise God! He went on to suspend visitation as well. Most would assume visits would end when the State stops trying to reunify but, more often than not, they continue until termination which we are told is months away. The visits tear up the hearts of my boys. They come home and act out and there is always a couple days of rebalancing. I can only imaging the emotional damage that takes place. To have them done is hard to articulate. Peace washed over me. My boys are safe. They will forever know they are loved no matter what. The emotional ping pong is over. Now we can see true healing even though they've already come so far. 

Without a doubt they are worth fighting for. Worth going through hell for. Worth the efforts to help heal. Worth the stress they put us through. Worth it. I'm in so in love with my two youngest sons. Court didn't change that but it turned the corner. We can stop focusing on the frustrations of the case and start focusing on adoption. Permanency. Thank you, Lord. 

1 comment:

Rebekah said...

It's as if you ripped this from my journal. I'm thankful to be in good company, but wishing no one else knew of this struggle. Funny...I remember writing that once about infertility.

I love you like a sister and hope one day we'll meet, on THIS side of heaven.

We're rejoicing with you!