Weary and cynical I sat again on that bench last week. The judge finally changed the case goal to adoption. Praise God! He went on to suspend visitation as well. Most would assume visits would end when the State stops trying to reunify but, more often than not, they continue until termination which we are told is months away. The visits tear up the hearts of my boys. They come home and act out and there is always a couple days of rebalancing. I can only imaging the emotional damage that takes place. To have them done is hard to articulate. Peace washed over me. My boys are safe. They will forever know they are loved no matter what. The emotional ping pong is over. Now we can see true healing even though they've already come so far.
Without a doubt they are worth fighting for. Worth going through hell for. Worth the efforts to help heal. Worth the stress they put us through. Worth it. I'm in so in love with my two youngest sons. Court didn't change that but it turned the corner. We can stop focusing on the frustrations of the case and start focusing on adoption. Permanency. Thank you, Lord.