This past Friday, we ventured about an hour away to our agency's main office and participated in an "Experienced Parenting" class that is the official first step in our home study for baby #2. The class was really enlightening. Honestly, we rarely think about Declan being adopted. He's just our son. DNA doesn't really come in to play. On Friday we had to think a lot deeper about things. The speaker talked about how to handle questions at certain ages as well as how to integrate Dec's adoption story in to his life as he gets older. At this point, we talk about being in his birthmom's tummy and how they picked us to be his mommy and daddy and that's the extent of it. We see both birthparents as well and that's so important, especially as he gets older and understands things.
We also talked about balance. How do we balance 2 open adoptions? This is something we hadn't even thought about. Right now, we see Dec's birth parents separately (they aren't together anymore) every 2-3 months. It works well and we love our time together. What will this picture look like with another set of birthparents (+ their parents?) to the mix? Sounds tricky to me. Our family unit is of most importance and the speakers encouraged us to set clear boundaries and do what feels manageable for us. What will this look like in the future? Total unknown.
Lastly, there were panels of adoptive parents that had multiple open adoptions. Their stories were encouraging, challenging, hilarious, and thought provoking. More than anything we learned that there is an extra layer of "stuff" to deal with in all age brackets when it comes to being an adopted child. At lunch we talked about continuing to shower Declan and our future children with love and offering them a secure environment. We want them to draw security from being a child of God. We want them to draw security from us as parents who have a strong marriage. We want them to draw security from the fact that they are so very lucky to have birthparents who love them and made a difficult and selfless decision.
We walked away with our minds rolling. Definitely in a good way. We are so excited about now moving forward. I've got be honest- we're not so excited about all the home visits, fingerprints, back ground checks, physicals, etc. Bleh. But those are steps towards our next child and that's what excites us.
My heart is so full thinking of Declan as a big brother. It's full with excitement over how this next child will come to be in our lives. And it's also overflowing with the blessing of having Declan in our lives right now. Our little family of 3. So happy.
6 comments:
SO EXCITED for you ALL:) I know what you mean about all the "steps" involved and how you aren't looking forward to them but the end result is AWESOME. I can tell you from experience both of our adoptions were COMPLETELY different and the experiences were completely different. We had very little to no contact with our daughters birthparents throughout the adoption and nothing after the adoption. However our son's adoption was a short one (we were chosen a month before he was born) however I had LOTS of contact with his birthmother prior to his birth and even afterwards. We kept in contact via text (her preferred method of contact) with an occasional visit, however recently we have had nothing (she is engaged and has had another child etc...). Your class brought up some interesting topics, I wish our agency had something along those lines. Our daughter is starting to ask more and more questions (she is 5yrs old) especially now that I am pregnant. She ask if we were going to have to put the baby up for adoption. Breaks my heart. Anyhoo thanks for sharing and I will be thinking about you all and praying for your family!
this is very great and exciting news! Congrats "H" family! Can't wait to hear about your second child. Hope the next period of waiting passes quickly.
S
I LOVE this and it's sort of made me wish our agency had an "experiences parenting" class too. Seems like lots of good food for thought that we can all stand to consider.
I'm right there with you on not being thrilled about all the checking and testing that must be done again but it is what it is...if that's the way to building families for us then so be it! :)
Soooo very excited for you!!
Melba
How exciting of a time for you guys! I always have to ask.. do you wish for a boy or a girl?
This is great!!! I absolutely love going to meetings like this. So excited for you guys starting this new journey!
The thought of all the rig a ma roll (is that one word?) and the extra set of birthparents is more than I can stand. I know H is still just a bitty baby but we aren't getting any younger. Ugh. Declan is adorable and I KNOW he will be one fun loving older brother. Hope the process goes smoothly for you!!
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