A new year, a new me.

This picture was taken right before Thanksgiving last year. I was at my heaviest, wearing the same few articles of clothing because they were the only ones that fit. I had half heartedly just started Weight.Watchers for the 3rd time. Honestly, I felt awful. Low energy, hard to wake up and get going in the morning, having heart palpitations and knee pain. Something had to change. I have had the "something big needs to change" talk with myself countless times throughout life. I've always battled my weight. It's easy to blame PCOS and Insulin Resistance for my troubles but it starts and ends with me. I'm an "all or nothing" person 100%.

Last January (January 11th to be exact) I started a program, that for me, took hold. I rocked it until the end of July...no humility here, I seriously did amazing. I felt amazing. Those 6 months led to nearly an 80 lb weight loss.

(left pic, day before I started losing weight and right pic is nearly 4 months in and 50 lbs down)

We went to Vegas in July and that was my first time letting open the floodgates and eating whatever I wanted. It was a fun celebration of all I had done. It was so freeing to get dressed and feel fit and not worry about covering this or what makes me look less fat. You see, I've always had confidence and been fairly active and embraced my role as the chubby chick. But, this was all new. A new level of confidence and, honestly, a person I barely knew. That trip was nothing short of fabulous.

I returned home and started a new journey. A journey called maintenance. Truth be told, this is my hardest journey yet. I find myself trying to eat moderately but spinning off track so pulling in the strings and eating really strict again. I fight the yo-yo mentality that cripples so many people.  My crazy strict dieting has been replaced with a 6 day a week gym routine that I am loving. SERIOUSLY LOVING. My weight has gone up a bit and I'm trying to make peace with that. Overall, I'm solid on working out and making good food choices 80-90% of the time. Will this take continued tweaking? Definitely. I am doing more research in to emotional eating and food addiction and trying to educate myself on how I got where I was and how to never go back. A difficult yet rewarding process.  I've been pretty silent on this blog because I do NOT have it all figured out. I'm not an expert, I haven't ended my journey and reached a final goal (is there ever really a final goal??!)

This brings me to today. It is truly full circle. I got up bright and early and ran my second 5k. RAN. Yes, me. I hate(d) to run. If you ask me about my first 5k (last month) I would tell you I hated the training, hated the race and loved the finish line. That finish line high led me to this race but the big difference is that I enjoyed the training and running the race and can't wait to do another (Dec 22nd, baby!!)

This is not an end to my weight loss journey. It's a "....." to my weight loss/maintenance future. I am proud of myself. I'm passionate about being an active family. I've come to realize that being an active family is extremely intentional, it never just happens. We have many nights where we tag in/out and go the gym. We choose to be intentionally active in our time with Declan (though he needs to prodding to be active). Last week, Decs and I ran hills next to the park. He giggled the entire time before he said he was tired. Yes, this 30 year old had more gas in the tank than he did.

So, I'd like to encourage whoever is reading this and wanting to make a life change. You can do it. Even if it is effort #183 like mine was/is. There is no special start date to wait on, no special diet that you have to follow. Just a healthy decision followed by another healthy decision and so on. When you slip, re-set. Throw the "all or nothing" thinking out the window. It doesn't work. There are celebrations, holidays, illnesses, injuries. You'll never be 100%. But can you can start now. You're worth it. I was worth it and my family is worth it.

Happy Thankgiving, y'all.

Turkey Trot 5k