Let the madness begin (again)

Today was my baseline ultrasound and first shot. I can't believe I willingly stepped on the emotional roller coaster again. I hate roller coasters....real ones and emotional ones. I think the doctors sit at home at night laughing at all the drugs we inject. Not really, but basically for the next 3 weeks my body is no longer my own.

So I just shot up. :) It was the first time I gave myself a shot and Mark was sitting there saying "be strong...it might hurt a little but you can do it...do it..DO IT." So I shoved that needle in my stomach with my eyes practically closed. I wouldn't recommend it. Funny thing- it didn't hurt that bad. I think I have the "shooting up" courage now that the first one is over.

I was shocked to find out at the doctors today that the drugs I bought are only a 4 day supply. I'll have to purchase more on Monday when I go in for my next ultrasound. Each vile is $475. Woot. Not. I'm estimating over $2,000 for each cycle on this new drug. Ultrasounds and blood work will be near $1,500 per cycle. Insemination is almost $500. Yikes. Breaking it down like that hurts my brain (and our bank account). I hope with all that I am that we get pregnant this cycle. I REALLY don't want to do another cycle.

Ironic story,,,
I met a client of mine in Omaha after I was done with my RE. She is 8 months pregnant with a surprise baby (she was newly engaged when she found out she was expecting). I told her where I had been and she had the typically "awwwww...." response (the "I feel bad for you and I'm glad I don't have to go through that" response). She told me I could rub her belly and get pregnant through osmosis. I smiled and fake laughed. Hell, if that worked, I would have rubbed the bellies of all my friends who have gotten pregnant, had their babies, and are starting to think about having another. The comment rolled off my back much better than it would have 1 year ago.

All right, follicles, grow. But not too fast and not too many of you. If only 3 or 4 of you respond, that'd be great. Twins would work. Trips would freak me the heck out. All for now..

The first meeting (of many????)...

We had our first meeting with the adoption agency that we're going to use eventually. I say "eventually" because, whether we get pregnant these next 2 cycles of treatment or not, we'll be using this agency to expand or family right away or years down the road. I feel blessed that Mark and I are both on the same page that we want to adopt some day.

Everything went really well at the meeting. There was nothing I learned that I hadn't already heard via the internet or word of mouth from those who've adopted through NCH. The only thing that shocked me was how many young couples were there. I don't know their stories but I'm pretty sure infertility plays a role in most their lives. Craziness.

What else is crazy? Um, just the fact that Ms. Flo decided to start today. That's exciting and all because I get to start my shots uber soon, but it's weird because I have FOUR more days of birth control pills left. Weird. I guess my body is ready to go, yo.

I'll leave you with a cute picture of my dog children.

Got the drugs!!! Woot!

So my new drugs showed up today. I'll be using folli.stim which is pretty much a pen that is loaded with the drugs and I'll just dial my dose and attach a little bitty needle and insert it in to my stomach. Here is what I found when I opened the box:



What a pleasant change from the ginormous almost 2 inch needles that I had to shoot up with before. I also had to mix my own drugs before injecting with the Repr.onex. My husband would have to do the shots too because it had to be injected in my bum. Not very comfortable to say the least. Here is a picture I took the first day of shots way back early 2007:



I only have a couple more weeks of birth control and then I get to start shooting up again. Yay.

stupid winter weather

There are several warnings regarding the weather tomorrow. That's not usually a big deal because I live in Nebraska and we have crappy weather all the time. BUT my big appointment with my new endocrinologist is at 8am an hour away tomorrow. Boo. Dear wintery weather, please go away.

**update**

My dad drove me to my appointment today. I think it's because I told him I might lose motivation to deal with all this infertility crap and he wants more grand babies. It was a good thing he did...the interstate was horrible and we saw multiple accidents. When we finally got home I checked the weather and apparently we're getting more snow for a total of 5-7 inches. Arg. I'm moving to Texas (in my mind).

My new RE is soooo nice. He's more laid back and the office staff was fabulous. I was so taken back by nice everyone was. It made me realize that you don't have to be total a**holes in that field (that was always my excuse). My RE is switching me to a new drug. I'll be taking folli.stim instead of repro.nex. It's much more expensive but easier to use. Plus, I think it's great we're trying something new and different with my body. He also has no problem with me continuing to work out during the shots. He said to just listen to my body and it's boundaries. Woot! I surprised when they said it was time to draw blood and do an ultrasound. I was unprepared to have an ultrasound (ahem...no shaving for a few days...too much info I'm sure). The gal that did it laughed and told me she's worked at some clinics where people don't shower for days and then have to get an US. So, I didn't feel too bad. Shockingly, my left ovary didn't look polycystic. Hmm. What the heck!

So at this point I just have to finish out my BC pills and then I'm on my way to my new protocol. I'm giving this whole shots/IUI thing 2 more chances to work. We'll see what happens... Stay tuned...

Good food, good times, good friends...

The long awaited Martin Sexton concert was last night. It was the 2nd time I've seen him live and the 3rd time Mark has seen him live. He is ridiculously talented. I think during the concert I asked Mark 5 times "how does he do that"? Martin preformed alone last night but you wouldn't have known because AS HE'S SINGING he does percussion and bass..kind of like beat boxing.

With that said, I'll never see him at Knicker.bockers again. That venue is a sad reminder of the lack of nice venues for music in Lincoln. Mark's band has played there many times over the last 8 or 9 years and the owners are always less than welcoming and the place itself is a sh*t hole. I told Mark ahead of time that they'd over sell the tickets and it'd be a packed mess. Well guess what? It was PACKED with no air circulation in their tiny room. People we super rude and and pushy and I had to practice ultimate self control to not beat down some of the girls. Not an ideal situation for a clausto. We went with C & M and I'm sure M has some crazier stories than I do because she got stuck by some weirdos too (amazon woman, etc). Ha!

Before the concert we headed over to C & M's for dinner. Here's a run down of what she made (in under an hour because they were working):
-Chicken cooked in wine, lemon juice & capers
-Sugar snap peas cooked in olive oil and garlic, topped with sea salt
-Cous Cous with peas and lemon zest

It was absolutely delicious and I would take M's cooking over any restaurant. Yummmm!!

The night was a blast and, despite the crazy packed venue, it was super memorable and nice to have a night out in boring L-town.

This is the only pic I took and I had to doctor it up....


Us at the concert...isn't Mark just hot?!? :) The holding out the camera thing doesn't always work. :)

The life lesson of "Friday Night Lights"

My husband and I love Friday Night Lights. We had friends recommend it to us and we've been hooked ever since. One of the main characters, the football coach, has a lot of wise things to say. It sounds weird, but things he says really stick with me sometimes.

A couple episodes ago, the coach and his wife lost their new baby's nanny. The wife was really struggling with what to do because her career is really important but her baby is really important. The coach leaned in really close to her face and said "Gracie is not our burden...she is our blessing."

I think I really lose sight of my blessings some time. Managing and maintaining our home can be a huge pain in the butt, but we are so blessed to even have a home. Sometimes my job feels more like a life style than an actual career. BUT I am blessed to have a job.

This week we were told we are going to have to work from home until our new office is ready (3-4 months). I was really bummed to not have an actual office to go to, but the more I thought about it, working from home can be a huge blessing. I'm going to try to schedule my time working more effectively so I can work out more and keep my house more organized.

I'm going to try to remember things are blessings even when they feel like burdens.

Interesting acupuncture experience...

I went to acupuncture on Tuesday and I told the gal that everyone I know is sick and I'm bummed because my throat was starting to hurt. She did a lot of work on my sinuses and told me that I'd start draining that night. She said my cold would be super fast forwarded and to come back in 2 days and she bets I'll be better. I was confused because I hadn't really gotten a cold yet. My throat was just a bit sore.

So that night Mark and I went to Sam's Club and, on our way, I started blowing my nose. I blew my nose all night! I then woke up with a horrible sore throat and headache all day yesterday. Today, it seems my symptoms are quite faded and will hopefully be gone by tomorrow.

Strange. Coincidence? Acupuncture? Hmm...