I'm not pregnant. This "perfect" round didn't work. I had 3-4 "perfect" eggs, a "perfect" uterine lining, and my "perfectly" timed ovulation and insemination. Sperm counts were, yes, more than "perfect".
This round was our most expensive by far. We hired a new RE and he required loads of new blood work (his fee to meet=$330, blood work for both Mark and I=$1010...this blood work proved we didn't have HIV, etc. So basically it was a waste of money.) All the drugs and scans were almost $4,000. Yikes. I could hurl.
I guess I just don't understand. I cannot wrap my brain around why God wouldn't allow me to become a mother. I know He has a plan for my life and our lives as parents. It's hard to continue to trust His plan failure after failure. Despite the disappointments throughout this journey, I know the end of it will be joyful. I cannot wait until that day. The day I see our little baby. I cannot wait!
Though I committed to 2 more rounds of shots/IUIs, this is going to be the end of the road for fertility treatments. My doctor wanted me to do 2 rounds so we could get the dosing correct but, since this last cycle was "perfect", I see no reason to put myself through the physical, emotional and financial torture of it all.
Through all this pain, I have some brewing excitement. Mark and I are now moving on to adoption. It's not a "last step" or a "giving up" for us, it's a bright new beginning. It's something we've discussed and desired since before getting married. I've witnessed how amazing adoption is through a family member's experience and it's only solidified how much we want to build our family through it. We always pictured having a child of our own first and then adopting but the plans we make for ourselves don't often seem to be the plans God makes for us. It's a hard pill to swallow, but in the end, hindsight is usually pretty dang clear.
So this blog will quickly change to "our journey through adoption". For my 2 readers out there :), stay tuned, I'm sure it will be a whole new roller coaster of emotions. We have already attended the info class at our adoption agency and I sent off the official "email of intent" to the manager so we can set up our initial interview and start the first of many stacks of paper work. After the interview, we'll have a 2 day parenting/adoption training classes. The next class is in April so I doubt we'll make that deadline. The next after that is in July. I'll keep this blog updated with the latest and greatest.
I'm reminding constantly of all the support I have around me. Thank you for all the emails, text messages, phone calls and flowers (my best friend put a bouquet of beautiful roses outside my door). I feel so loved and supported and it means the world to me. I know the continued support for this (possibly long) journey will be greatly appreciated as well. :) So thanks again. :)